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Licensed Marriage &
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Email: k.coop@comcast.net

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Articles by
Kevin Cooper:

Fred Luskin forgive Forgiveness
Matthieu Ricard happiness skill Book review:
"Happiness -- A Guide to Developing Life's Most Important Skill"
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"The Diamond Cutter"
premarital pre-marital marriage couples winsor Fear of Being Big
men teen adolescent gay lesbian santa rosa Judgment vs. Compassion
co-dependency codependency windsor Shame: A Sickness
of the Soul
sonoma county Marriage Family Therapist The Effectiveness of Men's
Group Psychotherapy

Article by
Alan Rappoport, Ph.D.:
santa rosa men's support group Co-Narcissism: How We Accommodate to Narcissistic Parents (PDF)
Article by
Vic Comello:
santa rosa men's support group Introduction:
Handbook of Personality Development

 

CAMFT California Association Marriage Family Therapists

 
 
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Book review: "Happiness -- A Guide to Developing Life's Most Important Skill" by Matthieu Ricard
Kevin Cooper, MFT

Matthieu Ricard is a joy to read and I recommend you read it slowly so you can fully appreciate its insights. Ricard offers a very accessible and thoughtful analysis of the nature of happiness. Contrary to the concept that happiness is just a random state of being, Ricard suggests that happiness is a skill that can be cultivated. The book is a blend of Eastern and Western approaches to the subject as Ricard is both a molecular biologist and a Buddhist.

Ricard begins by defining happiness as "a deep sense of flourishing that arises from an exceptionally healthy mind". He describes happiness as essentially an interior state that arises from the "disappearance of inner conflicts" and believes through the use of introspection and self-observation the mental conditions that create happiness can be developed. I found it refreshing that he does not present his approach as a quick fix but as a skill that requires dedication and practice to learn. He writes: "...each being holds within him a treasure that needs only to be actualized. But that doesn't happen by itself. Milk is a source of butter, but it won't make any if we simply leave it to its own devices; we have to churn it."

Suffering, Ricard reminds the reader, can open us up to the process of cultivating happiness: "We can learn from suffering if we use it wisely ...If we do not wish to be confounded by suffering and we want to put it to the best use as a catalyst, we must not allow anxiety and despondency to conquer our mind ...The inability to manage our thoughts proves to be the principal cause of suffering. Learning to tone down the ceaseless racket of disturbing thoughts is a decisive stage on the road to inner peace."

As a Buddhist, he believes that suffering is linked to "our mistaken concept of reality" and that we often confuse pain with suffering. Pain is an inevitable part of life, but suffering does not have to be if we develop the wisdom to know the difference. Ricard explains that it is not our experiences, but our interpretations and judgments of those experiences that cause suffering.

Ricard details several internal and external determinants of happiness and discusses various cognitive behavioral approaches to managing difficult emotions: "When a painful emotion strikes us, the most urgent thing is to look at it head-on and to identify the immediate thoughts that are triggered and fanning it. Then by fixing our inner gaze on the emotion itself, we can gradually dissolve it like snow in sunshine. Furthermore, once the strength of the emotion has been sapped, the causes that triggered it will seem less tragic, and we will have won ourselves the chance to break free from the vicious circle of negative thoughts." This process of learning to tolerate painful feelings until they discharge is an important component of effective therapy.

Ricard believes the key to maintaining happiness is learning to manage our ego. He notes that when we are feeling frightened and anxious we often over identify with our ego as a form of self-protection. In an effort to buoy our self-confidence, we focus on our own self-importance and that can set us up as a target for other's envy, jealousy, or hatred. These are toxic emotions that inevitably cause suffering. Ricard suggests we can cultivate the wisdom to "see the self as a mere concept and not as an autonomous entity that we must protect and satisfy at all costs..." This perceptual shift allows us to move away from behavior that attracts negative emotions and opens us up to cultivate positive emotions like empathy and compassion.

A student of psychology, Ricard does not suggest his approach to cultivating happiness is a substitute for therapy. He reminds his readers: "How can we help deeply wounded persons? ...How can they help themselves? ...By engaging in a meaningful dialogue with a human and warmhearted psychologist using methods that have proven to be efficient..."

Ricard's book is available at Amazon.com. For more on Ricard, visit http://www.shechen.org.

 

Kevin Cooper MFT Santa Rosaback to Kevin Cooper

 

©2005-2008 Kevin Cooper, Chinn Street Counseling Center; all rights reserved.

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