As human beings we cannot avoid suffering, but we do have a choice about how we respond to that experience. Unfortunately, most of us tend to respond to emotional distress with self- judgment. We condemn or criticize ourselves for our feelings, rather than feeling empathy for our circumstance. Our feelings become something to be avoided (denial) rather than listened to and understood. When our response is self-judgment, our hearts harden, our capacity for growth and insight constricts, and we are often flooded with feelings of depression, anxiety, and hopelessness. Self-judgment arises from an over-identification with our ego, it is a harsh and demanding response, and it often engenders feelings of shame and self-doubt.

Our other option is to learn to respond with self-compassion. If we allow ourselves to feel sympathy for our feelings rather than trying to avoid them, it enables us to understand and move through our experience. Self-compassion arises from our heart, it is a softer and more tender response, and engenders feelings of self-acceptance and hope. When we are able to switch our response to emotional distress to self-compassion, our hearts soften, we begin to open up internally, and we often experience feelings of calm, joy and optimism. By learning to monitor our internal responses to suffering and practicing self-compassion vs. self-judgment we can more successfully navigate the painful periods of our lives.

Note: Therapy can be very useful in learning how to respond to life's challenges with self-compassion rather than self-judgment. I have noticed in my ten years of practicing psychotherapy that once clients learn this skill their ability to manage emotional distress dramatically improves.