Judgment vs. Compassion
Kevin Cooper, MFT
As human beings we cannot avoid suffering, but we do
have a choice about how we respond to that experience.
Unfortunately, most of us tend to respond to emotional distress
with self- judgment. We condemn or criticize ourselves for our
feelings, rather than feeling empathy for our circumstance. Our
feelings become something to be avoided (denial) rather than
listened to and understood. When our response is self-judgment,
our hearts harden, our capacity for growth and
insight constricts, and we are often flooded with feelings of
depression, anxiety, and hopelessness. Self-judgment arises
from an over-identification with our ego, it is a harsh and
demanding response, and it often engenders feelings of shame
and self-doubt.
Our other option is to learn to respond with self-compassion.
If we allow ourselves to feel sympathy for our
feelings rather than trying to avoid them, it enables us to
understand and move through our experience. Self-compassion
arises from our heart, it is a softer and more tender response,
and engenders feelings of self-acceptance and hope. When we
are able to switch our response to emotional distress to self-compassion,
our hearts soften, we begin to open up internally,
and we often experience feelings of calm, joy and optimism. By
learning to monitor our internal responses to suffering and
practicing self-compassion vs. self-judgment we can more
successfully navigate the painful periods of our lives.
Note: Therapy can be very useful in learning how to respond to
life's challenges with self-compassion rather than self-judgment. I have noticed in my ten years of practicing
psychotherapy that once clients learn this skill their ability to
manage emotional distress dramatically improves.
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