One of the challenges of counseling men is countering the notion that seeking therapeutic help is a sign of weakness. Many men feel ashamed, embarrassed, or awkward about asking for help and may avoid personal counseling for this reason. "Men's groups" are often an excellent, if not the ideal, alternative. For many men they provide the "corrective emotional experience" they are longing for in a setting which is often more comfortable and more effective than individual treatment.

Men's group psychotherapy is effective for many reasons. The group format promotes cooperation and community thereby countering isolation, a common complaint among men seeking counseling. In a society which stresses individual achievement and competition at the expense of connection and intimacy, it is not surprising that many men feel lonely. The cultural myth that financial success and materialism are the road to fulfillment exacerbates this problem and leaves many men feeling confused, inadequate, and alienated. Men's therapy groups provide a safe and nurturing setting to share and normalize these feelings.

Many men entering groups often complain about having lost the capacity for "joy or pleasure" in their lives or of only being able to feel "the intense feelings" that arise from dangerous or addictive behaviors. Men's therapy groups counter this emotional cut-off by providing safe, caring communities where sharing feelings is encouraged and validated. As members learn to recognize and honor their feelings they often experience a decrease in anxiety, an increase in self esteem, and an improved sense of self.

Male group psychotherapy also provides an ideal setting for dealing with gender issues. Men's groups are often the only place where men feel comfortable exploring and challenging their values about gender without fear of judgment. The impact of the traditional masculine roles of provider, protector, and performer on group member's lives can be evaluated and questioned and contrasted with the traditional feminine roles of nurturer, caretaker, and victim. Open and honest dialogue about sexual roles, and the merits and burdens of each, often helps members to define where they are, and choose where they want to be, in relation to their partner.

Although rarely discussed, the statistics regarding suicide rates, work related injuries, rate of alcoholism, etc. for men are alarmingly high. Men's silence about these issues has resulted in the widely held belief that for the most part women are the oppressed and men are the oppressors in our society. This belief is compounded by the fact that most men are reluctant to view themselves as oppressed. The reality is that both sexes are oppressed in our culture, but in different ways. Men's groups provide an ideal forum for educating men about these issues and the cultural assumptions which perpetuate them.

Men's groups can also provide a level of safety/comfort in dealing with relationship issues by avoiding the gender polarization than can sometimes occur in co-ed groups. Topics which frequently come up in all male groups, but are often avoided in mixed groups, include resentments around men feeling valued more for what they provide than who they are, or feeling women's emotional needs are given more attention in our culture than their own. Groups can provide supportive settings to share and validate such feelings and to discuss coping skills and anger management techniques that are helpful in dealing with them.

Men's psychotherapy groups are an excellent option for men seeking emotional support. Men's groups counter isolation and emotional cut-off by encouraging, validating, and normalizing the sharing of feelings. They provide a safe and nurturing setting for dealing with gender and relationship issues and are an ideal forum for educating men about the cultural assumptions which often perpetuate their suffering.

Kevin Cooper offers a men's psychotherapy group on Tuesday nights. For information, call Kevin at 566-7742.